Funny Beer Quotes

Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
-- Babe Ruth

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
-- George Bernard Shaw

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
-- Paul Hornung

Beer: helping ugly people have sex since 3000 b.c.
-- W.C. Fields

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a "support group." Salvation in a can!
-- Leo Durocher

Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
--Homer Simpson

"May your glass be ever full. May the roof over your head be always strong. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.",
--Old Irish Toast

Beer – just like all good things – should be taken in moderation. Nah, who cares?

Here are tips on how to avoid the Wall of Shame and getting pulled over for DUI.

About to rock the night away? Plan your drunken escape route before you wake up in parking lot (again).

Think before you drink. Help your body handle alcohol better by having a drinking plan (but don't make it obvious, you nerd). Eat a full meal before you hit beer pong. Without food, your stomach processes alcohol directly, making it harder to sober up.

Sip water in-between drinks. Alcohol dehydrates, so replenish your electrolytes stat.

Stop drink and listen. If you know you have to work early the next day, drinking until the wee hours doesn't sound wise (unless you have a Drunken Master image to live up to).

Give your body nesting time to refresh. Ideally, you should have at least seven hours of rest before you jump-start the next day. Pop in some ibuprofen before snoozing so you won't wake up with a headache.

And so you found yourself in someone else's pad after a night of hard partying and binge drinking. Never mind knowing if the person behind the shower curtain is a he or a she. Hightail out the door and sober up fast with these easy steps...

Grab a cuppa. Have a glass of water and a cup of strong coffee to help you wake up. Espresso shots are terrific.

Eat a horse. Or a typical hearty meal will do. Your metabolism will surely need a fuel. And your stomach needs to be filled up after all those projectile vomiting.

Freshen up. Take a shower and don't forget to scrub off the remnants of last night’s dinner from your face.  Changing into fresh clothes is highly recommended.

Play pretend. Should your date last night try to contact you (yeah, you handed her a tissue with your digits on it), but you can’t remember her or you refuse to remember her, be kind and lie between your teeth, “It was fun!” Don’t even try to call her by her name because for sure you can’t remember it.

Those desperate for a pint won’t have to wait as long at the bar, if a company from Washington has its way.

GrinOn Industries claims their latest gadget can fill beer glasses with your favourite brew at world-record speed, serving 56 pints in one minute by filling them from the bottom up.

The Bottoms Up Draft Beer Dispensing System works by filling your pint through a hole at the bottom of the glass. Once poured, a magnet slips over the base of the beer glass, protecting your pants from your brew.

Though the product is available only for commercial use, a home version will hit the market in 2013, the company’s website promises.

The system debuted at Monday’s Flyers vs. Canadiens home game. While the Habs lost 5-2, at least their fans didn’t have to wait as long to drown their sorrows.

Source: TheStar.com

San Antonio-based Mad Dogs British Pub is planning to open three locations in Austin, and are specifically looking in four places in the market.

“Austin is such a natural expansion for us,” said Terry Corless, a native of Cambridge, England and the company’s CEO. “Many of our customers in San Antonio are either transplants or visitors from Austin. We’re constantly asked when we’re going to open here.”

Corless and his partner, COO Justin Bentley-Marchant, have identified four areas of Austin where they believe the concept will be most successful, including Lakeway, The Meadows, Sixth Street and Round Rock.

Based in San Antonio, Mad Dogs is targeting development in Austin, Dallas, Houston and San Antonio first and aims to open 20 pubs by mid-2015. Its franchise program was launched in 2010. In addition to expansion in Texas, the brand is also eyeing expansion in Colorado, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Louisiana and Tennessee.

Mad Dogs British Pub opened on San Antonio’s Riverwalk in 1995 putting a playful twist on English pub culture, with its staff donning kilts and Union Jack dresses while serving beer to patrons in Yard Glasses .

“Everyone at Mad Dogs British Pub couldn’t be more excited about the timing of our launch into franchising in the U.S.,” Corless said. “Sites and locations are available that would never normally hit the market, landlords are doing some incredible deals and the market is gradually moving out of the doldrums. If you partner a great concept with a motivated entrepreneur, anything can happen.”

Open for both lunch and dinner, Mad Dogs stays open late into the night, with live, weekly entertainment ranging from live bands and karaoke to DJs and monthly theme parties. Sporting events also take center stage on the pub’s 16 high-definition television screens. Guests can enjoy a lunch time meal for an average ticket price of $13 per person while dinner averages at $18 per person.

Corless said that Mad Dogs caters to a range of clientele, with the bulk of evening business targeting 21 to 45-year-olds.

The menu’s signature entrée includes fish n’ chips served on the pub’s own printed newspaper dated December 7, 1941—the day the Japanese attack Pearl Harbor. British-inspired staples such as cottage pie and bangers and mash are also featured, alongside its famous “Yard of Ale Glasses” menu.

In addition to the traditional décor of telephone boxes, cricket gear and bag pipes, guests can purchase kilts, yards and sporrans, which are traditional kilt purses. Guests can also participate with the pub’s Magic Malay Money Legend by signing dollar bills and pinning them to the walls for good luck.

“We are an authentic, British icon of a franchise that is owned, developed and supported by real Brits,” Corless said. “With multiple streams of revenue in place, we are excited to bring on board franchisees who are equally as enthusiastic about our vision for introducing the English pub concept to other U.S. cities and putting our unique, fun-loving twist on it.”

Source: Austin Business Journal

Congratulations, residents of Russell Township, you can now buy beer in your humble little locale. Welcome to America. Prohibition washed away legal liquor sales in 1920, and until this week, Russell Township stayed that way — dry. Bone dry. Why? Who knows. Communities were allowed to decide for themselves whether to sell libations after Prohibition's repeal in 1933, and for some reason, Russell Township opted for the no-fun option and remained anachronistic into the 21st century because they believed alcohol would bring floozies and backroom gambling and undesirables to their quaint township. Or something like that. There's really no justification that doesn't make them seem like anything but a cranky 90-year-old grandmother. The Plain Dealer reports from the Circle K, which is the only store in town that will be selling booze. Those who opposed the change declined to identify themselves outside the store this week but said that since alcohol is available nearby, there is no need to have it in their back yard. They worried about underage drinking and noted that a Circle K probably won't carry wines they prefer. Martha Bryan said she voted to allow the sales. "You go five miles in any direction to get it anyways, so why not keep the money in Russell?" she said. Resident Nick Farina also said he voted for the change. "It's stupid to have to drive to Chesterland or Bainbridge or Newbury to buy a beer," he said. "It's legal, so it just kind of makes sense. Why not run to the corner store instead of making a trip out of it?" Thankfully that 90-year-old grandmother of a city is now wet.

HELSINKI -- Finnish scientists say they hope to re-brew an old ale after studying ancient beer found in a 19th century shipwreck at the bottom of the Baltic Sea. The VTT Technical Research Center of Finland says it aims to determine the recipe used in the brewing of what is "one of the world's oldest preserved beers." Divers in July found five bottles of dark, foamy beer while salvaging champagne from the wreck near Finland's Aland Islands. The shipwreck is believed to be from the early 19th century. VTT spokeswoman Annika Wilhelmson said Tuesday that researchers want to find out what kind of yeast was used because "the role of yeast in beer brewing was not yet fully understood in the early 1800s."

Why am I shit-faced again guy in the Red Lion Pub and Inn, in Baguio, Philippines.   

Hilarious beer video featuring Will Forte of Broken Lizard.

Source: CollegeHumor.com